Real Men Don't Plan Weddings

Real Men Don't Plan Weddings
Most of you know that my podcast co-host, best friend and
overall "main squeeze" Emily and I are getting married in
December.  I couldn't be a happier guy about that.  After
all, she's a fantastic woman.  This means, of course, we've
spent much of the last month since our engagement (which
happened during "X & Y On The Fly" podcast episode 11)
planning our wedding and everything associated with it.
Over the course of that relatively brief period of time,
I've already come to a profound conclusion.

Real men don't plan weddings.

Don't get me wrong.  I am not saying that real men don't
get married.  Quite the contrary.  Most good men seek to
find genuine love with one great woman sooner than later,
and look forward to coming home to her every night.  And
that's a great thing.

That said, however, I believe I've come up with a
previously undetected reason why men seem to have trouble
taking that step towards the "lifetime commitment" of
marriage.  Thousands (if not millions) of women everywhere
have long wondered how a man can be so eager to have her
around month after month without "popping the question".
Months can turn into years, and still no ring and no date.

Is it really that all of these men are "commitment phobes"
who are looking for "better options"?

Possibly.  But if that were the case, why would those same
guys be spending so much time sitting around watching the
tube and drinking beer instead of searching out "options"?
It all just doesn't add up, does it?

Well, ladies (and gentlemen), the sensible explanation for
all of this is disarmingly simple, although most likely
subliminal in the mind of every guy it affects.

It's not that we're afraid of marriage or commitment.  It's
that we are utterly terrified of planning the wedding.

I first presented this groundbreaking hypothesis to Emily,
and was met with skepticism.   "Oh, c'mon.  How can that
be?  Putting all of this together is exciting.  Don't you
think it is fun?"

I responded simply.  "I'd rather do sudoku puzzles."

She looked at me in shock.  After all, I'd famously rather
do my taxes and / or watch paint dry than touch any blasted
sudoku puzzle with a ten-foot pencil.  At least tax returns
involve number crunching that is actually necessary and may
result in a refund check.

"Seriously...", I elaborated, "...name one guy you've ever
known who was excited about planning his wedding."

She named a few.  After brief consideration, I countered
that those guys had to have been merely demonstrating
"sympathy excitement", which doesn't count.

I therefore revised my challenge.  "OK...well...short of
anyone who is a clinically-problematic 'control freak',
name one guy who ended up arranging all the details
himself, according to his own thoughts and wishes."

"Yeah, well...you've got me there.", Emily retorted,
punctuated with a snicker.

Really now.  It's a downright silly thought.  What guy
feels that passionately towards flowers, table settings,
elaborate dresses and throwing social parties?  Even if he
did, there's no way he could wrestle control of such from
the bride while remaining engaged.

Exactly!  Wedding ceremonies and receptions are all about
the bride.  I mean, the guy involved doesn't even have a
real title--he's just there to "groom" the bride!
Therefore, everything involved with planning such things is
utterly feminine.

Us guys really find it all rather tedious.  To us wedding
planning is like one big, protracted trek to the mall for
shoe shopping.

Oh sure.  We go along when absolutely necessary to "show
support" and to make sure "we approve".  But heaven help us
if we didn't "approve" of something along the way.  It
would mean being dragged to more prospective "settings"
festooned with Gazebos and year-round Christmas lights.  So
the women...Emily included...typically get the rubber stamp
from the "Groom".

Guys like me would have been happy just to go to the JP and
get on with it, maybe draining a few "cold ones"
afterwards.  Even when wrapped up in a more "formal"
wedding, we all don't want or need any elaborate
consideration.  Just rent me the same tux the other guys
are wearing.  No biggee.

Despite my ranting, all of this deep thought really has
helped me put things into perspective and I accept my
short-term lot in life gladly.  I won't begrudge the bride
her wedding planning bliss one bit.

Here's why.

For a woman, this really is her one chance (hopefully) to
live out all of her fantasies associated with being a
"Disney Princess" and throwing the big party to back it up.

Obviously, every business owner who ever touches a wedding
already knows this.  I've dealt with ten years' worth of
obnoxious, abrasive people in the last few weeks, all of
whom clearly on the immediate defensive vis-Ã -vis a steady
parade of highly-demanding "bridezillas" who demanded
perfection.  This, of course, only contributed to how much
more loathsome the entire process became for me.  And this
was before my realization that uttering the very word
"wedding" triggers a "surcharge mechanism"'.  Painful.

"So..." Emily later said, "...your demeanor has changed
about all this wedding stuff.  What's up with that?"

My reply was thought out ahead of time and therefore
clearly stated, "Lookit.  I'm fortunate to be a guy.  I
theoretically get several chances at making certain
lifetime dreams go off perfectly.  If, however, I only had
one chance on one particular day to get one car that I
wanted--and was committed to it for life--I would take a
lot of time in getting ready for that."

"And I'd support you through that process 100%.", she said.
"But I would be bored to tears every minute of it."


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Want to hear more? Scot McKay is the founder of X & Y
Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating and relationship
resources. He is the author of the books "Deserve What You
Want" and "Cook For Your Date", and hosts the popular
podcast series "X & Y On The Fly" with his fiancee Emily
Grillo. He may be reached at scot@xandycommunications.net
or on the Web at http://www.dating-advice.us/ and
http://www.romantic-dinner.com/ . Stop by for a FREE GIFT
and to subscribe to the podcast series.

The Editor and founder of this blog is Barrie Segal is the founder of the AppealNow.com™ website at http://www.appealnow.com. He is also the founder of http://www.nowdatarescue.com/ and http://www.nowdatarescue.com and http://www.weddinginfoforyou.com/